


Just me and my thoughts

by Gl1tch1ng



Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Depression, Other, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29808228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gl1tch1ng/pseuds/Gl1tch1ng
Summary: This is a book of story/poems that i write about my thoughts.I can already tell you that i use writing as a way of venting. So it ain't gonna be all sunshine and rainbows.Don't like it, don't read it.(Oh and i know i'm fucked up no need to remind me.)





	1. Who is the real monster here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a book of story/poems that i write about my thoughts.  
> I can already tell you that i use writing as a way of venting. So it ain't gonna be all sunshine and rainbows.  
> Don't like it, don't read it.
> 
> (Oh and i know i'm fucked up no need to remind me.)

How can not feeling anything hurt so much.

I was done wasn't i?  
The hurt was over right?

Gotta admit it doesn't hurt like that anymore, but the painful feeling of not feeling at all is giving me a headache. It's blurring my vision. It makes me quiet down easily, not thinking that my words are worth the fight that they always seem to cause.  
Just nodding along to someone talking. Wouldn't it be nice if your mind would let you say what it thinks? that your mind wouldn't shut itself up the moment it's asked to speak.  
So pathetic, i always seeked validation from my mother. I don't know why, it had no point.  
She called me a monster. A monster really?

I am the monster here?  
I wanted to scream, i wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her everything she had ever done wrong.

But of course i didn't.  
I just looked at her and smiled. I smiled knowing that my mind wouldn't seek validation to a true monster anymore. I was done, i was done being quiet, i was done being the pathetic little child that keeps nodding there head along at the words of others who are lying to there face.  
'I might be a monster..the monster you created. So what's worse, being a monster or creating one by your actions?


	2. Pain runs in the family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yea welcome to my fucked up family. I know i should talk to someone, but no one is willing to listen so i just vent here:)  
> Again this ain't gonna be pretty and i don't think it will be all that good either, but it's whatever.

For a long while i thought that i was the only broken thing in my seemingly perfect family. 

Because as a kid you see everything that happens as normal. The most fucked up shit seem so normal.

A child born in a burning house things that the whole world is on fire, it isn't. But that doesn't mean you won't burn.

What i would do to still see this shit holl as a normal home. To have ignored the fire, to have not burned down with it.  
But you can't keep pretending to be blind when you don't wanna see.

Chaos is all you find in a house with people that are all broken in there own ways.

Shattered until deemed broken enough to fit in the family.  
The mask that get put on just to smile at eachother become more see thru the older you get.

I don't know why we still play pretend. It's not like we have much to hide from eachother anymore.

Because when the people look away the dollhouse lives. Even if the dolls inside don't wanna be consious.  
It's just pathetic how much i wished to be the odd one out. How i wished i was the one that would break the cycle.

But god forbid that i wouldn't break. 

I fought it, atleast i tried to. But diep inside i already knew that the purpuse of glass was to shatter.  
Once you drop a mirror you can still use it, aslong as you're capable of ignoring the cracks.

You can still play with a beat up doll, aslong as you're capable of not focussing on the imperfections.

You cans still live in my family, aslong as you're capable of ignoring how broken it is.  
But i geuss you really can't stop DNA. Take my word on that one, because believe me i fucking tried.

I fucking tried to stop it. I wouldn't and couldn't end up the same as them.

But the ugliness inside me won. It won like it was the only one in the fucking race.

It won like i didn't even try to catches myslef from falling, from breaking over and over.

Like i didn't cover up my cuts, like i didn't let anyone see me bleeding.

I was born broken that's my birthright, a broken child born into a even more broken family.

A child with no control over there faith, one that was supossed to be shielded from the horrible thing called the real world.

You know, it's sad to say that i would have been better off if they didn't try to shield me from the outside.

Outside is a better place than where i was inside, i figured that out the moment i could fouche for myself.  
But i'm a part of my family.

It's in my dna, i can't change that we bleed the same blood.

And I'm myself, there's no cure for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh and thanks to the two people who read the last chapter.  
> Didn't really think anyone would read it so thank you:)


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